Be honest with your feeling...

Life is not supposed to be about feeling positive all the times. Negative emotions also part of life.
It's okay to be not okay sometimes. You don't need to hide or deny it. God created us to feel all kinds of emotions, so you don't need to feel ashamed with your negative emotions. If you keep suppressing your negative emotions and unable to freely express them, it will cause you to be more wounded than the actual circumstances and you might have difficulties in relationship with God and with people.

I used to have false belief, about as a Christian I should not show my fear, sadness, dissapontment, anger. I was scared people will judge me that I don't have faith. So, I learned how to fake a smile, I suppressed my emotion. I control my self through denial, and I even quote bible verse to give me false comfort, I told myself "everything work together for good." I'm not saying this verse is wrong, but don't use God to run from God. I mean to get ease from my pain when unpleasant thing happened, I comforted my self with food or work harder and travelling. I didn't come to Him, I tried by my own strength to heal my wound, but it's more created more wounds.

I became a bitter person, very critical and hard for me to forgive others and I also became very arrogant. I felt my relationship with God became shallow, I give Him praise and thanksgiving but my heart hold bitterness. My relationship with others also affected, I don't know how many times I hurt others by my rude comments and behaviour. It's reminded me about the quote "hurt people hurt people".

So how to deal with the negative emotions, when unpleasant things happened ? Be honest with yourself, you don't need to manipulate yourself by saying "It's okay" when actually it's not okay. When you hold  a little disappointment, a little hurt, a little anger, a little fear, actually you more likely to keep little by little garbages in your heart, it will get rotten in your heart.
"Catch all the foxes, those little foxes, before they ruin the vineyard of love, for the grapevines are blossoming!" Song of Songs 2:15 NLT. And what is inside our heart will be coming out with your words and your behaviour. "A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart." Luke 6:45 NLT

Then pray and share your burden to Him, how's your feeling, ask Him to counsel you, comfort you and to heal you. If possible also ask the Holy Spirit to open up the memory in the past, because maybe what do you feel now only a surface emotions that triggered from your past hurt. "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts." Psalms 139:23 NLT.

You also need to be honest with others, you don't need to put mask all the times, pretend that you're okay. Nobody can read your mind nor read your feeling.

God bless 😀